Just drink, don't think

Anyone else get a little uneasy when using a drinking fountain outside a public restroom, and suddenly the stream of water goes down whenever you hear a toilet flush? Probably a perfectly sound (and sanitary) explanation for this, but it still seems questionable to me…

Where’d that come from?

Sometimes my dreams cause me to reevaluate my sanity. Bizarre storylines and sudden plot twists are relatively normal, but the other day I woke up and was so amused with the random interplay that had just taken place in my head that I had to write it down: I was an employee at a local ice cream shop and was just getting the hang of “scooping” the cones when my boss informed me that we would now be selling airplanes in addition to ice cream. The next day I sold several double chocolate ripples with a B47-bomber on the side. It was a hit! But as I drove home from work that night, my car decided to turn into a cow, so naturally I had to tie it to the neighbor’s fence or it would wander off. Well my neighbor wasn’t so keen on having a heifer in his yard, so he came out yelling and screaming. Luckily, my friend’s mom drove by and asked if I wanted to go to the mall. I try to avoid hanging out with my friends' moms, and I hate the mall, but I like them both better than angry neighbors, so I jumped in. However, when we got there, she decided to try her hand at karaoke but was so awful that I left. Of course, I didn't make it very far before being kidnapped by a band of ancient mummies who honestly believed they were abominable snowmen. They took me to their secret hide-out (classic) and then dumped me onto a table and told me they wanted me to join their group. I was confused by 1) their existence, and 2) their identity crisis, so I told them I didn’t want to be a mummy or a snowman. However, we could still be friends. They thought this was a splendid compromise, so we all went merrily on our way home. Moral of the story: hmmm... no idea.

Yeah, I got milk.

Whenever I drink chocolate milk I am reminded of the hilariously-unfortunate incident that occurred several years ago in the middle of my school cafeteria. You remember those refrigerated drink dispensers? Well on this particularly fateful day when I returned for a refill, I lifted up on the nozzle and the dispenser ripped clean-off. It had just been refilled, so all five gallons of chocolaty-goodness came rushing out in one sticky tidal wave that decimated both my attire and my reputation. (But who needs those anyways?) Nobody said a word. Nobody dared to move. It seemed like time had stopped, and I could feel the eyes of the entire cafeteria on my back as I stood there, dripping with dairy and laughing at the absurdity of what had just happened. Lets just say I needed a lot of paper towels.

Couldn't help it

North Pole, Alaska